P is an addiction

Hello my name is Muhammad and I'm a polygamist. Why because it is an addiction. People have asked me about this thing and the best that I can come up with is that it is an addiction, because it is the only thing that would explain how something that causes so much pain can still be entertained. Even after all of the pain it still crosses my mind. My marriage is hanging on by threads and it still crosses my mind. No sane person would endure this kind of pain and still return to that thing that caused it in the first place unless it was an addiction. Now for us we have put P in its place and quietly stuffed it away never to be opened again, EVER. I am happy with that decision and so is my wife. However in the words of Ani Difranco, Fuel.

And they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
Even when they're as dry as my lips for years
Even when they're stranded on a small desert island
With no place within 2,000 miles to buy beer
And I wonder
Is he different?
Is he different?
Has he changed? what's he about?..
Or is he just a liar with nothing to lie about?

Two marriages and the same problem of P. Same devastating effects, same shit different day. One divorce and one incredibly shaken beautiful marriage. Then as if the tempting of P didn't shake the tree hard enough the first time we went back at it again. I am glad to say that when I was accosted by a beautiful woman with a proposition of P I was finally strong enough to say no. Maybe I am getting better and then maybe not, because that was probably the flimsiest no I ever heard.

The Quran says:

6:27 If thou couldst but see when they are confronted with the Fire! They will say: "Would that we were but sent back! Then would we not reject the signs of our Lord, but would be amongst those who believe!"

This isn't the verse that I was looking for the verse that I was looking for said that if they were sent back to the life of this world they would return back to their sins, but I can't find it. So anyway I am writing this over a couple of days so my thoughts have trailed off. However the point that I am making is that P is an addiction and I am on the wagon and forever there I shall stay. I think that is the only way to describe the madness that is P. To make it worse no one is on your side it seems. It is halaal so it is a decision that is entirely left up to you. People advise against it, there are evidences of the destruction it causes in plain view, but still it holds a mighty sway. It takes massive self-restraint to withstand it and not completely delude yourself with delusions of saving the world by coming to the rescue of some maiden in distress. P is powerful and takes serious soul searching to put back into a box and tuck it away or bury it. I think I am a recovering P longer and will remain so the rest of my days. If you are contemplating P look at all that you have and then go and sit somewhere in an empty white room and imagine that this is what will be left of your life. The voices in your head will tell you that you are better than the rest, but those cases are like winning the lottery and the odds stand significantly against you. Reflect on it and then put it down, you will be glad that you did. Trust me.