Sunday, December 23, 2007

Cosmo, Women, Men and Sex

Warning This is one of those posts!!

I was roaming around the warehouse and I found the December issue of Cosmo in one of the boxes. Thanks to and the folks back home. So I grabbed it because I've been wanting to thumb through it. I wanted to read through the tidbits on the Deep Sex they were talking about. The article was mildly informative, which is what I usually find out when I read the articles in women's mags. Sometimes some interesting tidbits of female psyche come out, but most times it is just a rehashing of something someone wrote six months ago.

Then what got me thinking as I started thumbing through the magazines while looking at the ads was exactly how much sex was being talked about in this magazine. I became even more curious. There were TONS of articles dedicated to nothing but sex. Sex positions, sex problems, Kinky sex, sex toys, sex techniques, How to make him crazy about sex and on and on. So then I started looking at the photos because I'm interested in this whole photography scene and possibly taking it professional I start looking at technical things like lighting and angles and such, but then it struck me that there was one consistent thing that all of the women in the ads were being portrayed as saying. I want to get F@#ked. So I started looking at them and sure enough looking at each and everyone of them they all said the same thing. Hi my name is Candice I would like you to take me in the back and bend me over the table, cause I'm into that sort of thing. I mean these are all girl magazines, men don't normally read these magazines and unless there is a consortium of lesbians that exclusively read women popular magazines I can't understand why all of the ads depicting women in them would have this sultry tone. This come hither big daddy look to them all, and I do mean all, every single one of them. Dedicated to the sole purpose of the act of procreating (sans actual procreation) with your man. I mean is it like an advertisement " Oh dang man she just got finished reading that issue of Cosmo you know she wants to screw now, I gotta go man you better buy your girl an issue of Cosmo." I mean really.

So then I thought deeper about this. Either A there are a S#!tTon of women out there that are completely and utterly dissatisfied with their love life or B the Publishers are all men and really want to make it keystart easy to get laid, or C there have been tons of psychiatrists that have studied the female psyche and know that sexually women are vindictively competitive. I think that it is a culmination of all three. So I counted the number of sex articles on the Cover alone, there are more in the actual magazine. There are 6 references to Sex and getting some on the cover. I then looked through a stack of Men's magazines that my roommates have in the bathroom (I know the yeah right is coming, but seriously magazines are expensive and I'm cheap so they aren't mine). There are 2 copies of Barely Legal (a Hustler full hardcore pornography magazine), 2 Playboy's Pornography again, 2 FHM, 1 GQ, 1 Fantasy (Fantasy football), 1 Men's Health, 1 Loaded and a covergirl magazine of some type. The maximum references to sex on the cover in the hardcore mag was 4. In playboy 2. In all the other men magazines possibly 1 maximum 2. Flipping through the magazines at product advertisements NONE of the ads depicted women in come hither poses, with the exception of the Porn mags that were actually selling sex products. Going there I would have to say that 95% of the facial expressions posed on women in Porn mags were the exact expressions found on the women posing for ads or article spreads in Cosmo including the cover.

So then I had to start really thinking about the whole picture, about women and their sexual self awareness or authority (not really the word I'm looking for), but their bravado or ego that thing that defines them as woman. This thing as I have observed is the thing that makes women desire to be on a stage the center of attention the superego of woman, this however is very fragile, and so I slowly thinking upon it all came to the conclusion that women are in a constant state of competition with every other woman in existence, except those who choose to remove themselves from this constant rat race, but even in very stable autonomous women this desire to be out in front can be seen. They want to be on stage as long as no one laughs or calls them out on anything or worse yet another woman takes the stage. So I can see if we assume this is the natural state of women that a polygamous relationship will always be a source of turmoil because the field becomes super expanded to cover many individual acts of life. Cooking, cleaning, mothering, sex all aspects of life bring the natural competition of women to a constant in your face type of reality. However in Non Polygamous relationships there is only the hope that what you have is fully satisfactory, because if you listen to Cosmo and the like there is always something else you are supposed to be doing and presumably if you don't start there is some other chick that is dying to do so.

Anyway that is what I thought about when I read the issue of Cosmo. How far off am I?

So to be fair I had to keep thinking. So I thought why this great difference between women's and Men's magazines? So I had to think about the men's magazines and in them you will find things, status symbols that represent power and wealth. Cars, expensive items and fine clothing, Real Estate, Business and articles on how to win defeat, dominate or some other way to summarily rise to a point of prominence. Sex although present is a side note in the corner of the magazine neatly tucked away amongst the rest of the guy stuff that is being presented. There are no Men Magazines that devote article after article to sex and relationships. Most things are related to dominating and acquiring stuff. There is even a magazine called stuff for men. In Men's magazines you will find pictures of men showing off this bravado this I have arrived air and don't you want to too you fat slovenly pile of crap. I know you wish you could be me. Because I am the way that I am I have the woman that I want and the next week I will have one better than her, because I got it like that. These are the types of articles that you find prominently displayed in men's magazines.

So then I would have to say that it would define the way that men define themselves, quantify themselves actually. Growing up it wasn't ever a focus on the quality of relationship that you could have with a woman, but the quantity and this game lasts until it fully runs its course in the life of a man, but the less desirable men I would suppose would move past this shallow reality of life sooner because women and or things aren't thrown at their feet.

So then getting into the psyche of a man it would seem that primarily the focus is based in the material, because materials are what define the quality of life you and your family can live and how you measure up to other men. Depending on the circle of Men that a man is attached to there is a material focus that defines them. Whether that be education, video games, cars or women there is a material focus that defines the man in the circle.

So then that would leave the last topic of SEX. For men primarily I believe that sex is an extension of power, prowess, ability and domination. If you look at all of the come hither looks of the women in Cosmo their sex is subdued by their partner. They are completely encased in their lover, subject to his every whim. They are helpless waiting intently on the moment that HE comes and takes them satisfying his every urge and leaving her throbbing in every sensual satisfaction. If you look at the ads in the Men's magazine it oozes of power and the ability to sway any woman to the whims of his Sex at his desire, on his schedule and as he sees fit. The financial power is astounding and the style is set to invoke envy.

Looking back into this lifestyle and even now (as I can really only speak for myself) sexual domination is the extension of manhood. The James Bond ability to satisfy women at every session and leave them begging and wanting their shining knight to take complete control. (This of course is an over generalization) For men with sex, it is all about control and domination. Sometimes this may or may not include the satisfaction of the woman. This control looking at it can actually go either way with or without satisfaction of the woman. In both there is an aspect of control. If when the man is engaged the woman is in deep throws of passion to the point that she will do anything he wants he is in control, or if the woman completely dislikes what is happening but is powerless to do anything about it he is in control. In both circumstances there is a kind of domination. I suppose this can be divided into pleasure and pain. The man that dominates with pleasure is the one that insists on the woman having multiple orgasms and going as long as he can until she's at his mercy begging for clemency. The man that dominates with pain instills fear and powerlessness upon his victim and sex is sometimes involved. I would suppose that in this there can be an understanding of men and multiple women. It all boils down to control and power.

For women looking at the magazines it would seem that their power comes from their ability to make men submit to them through their transmission of sex. I.E. I know you want to F#&k me so now you must do my bidding. If you look at the Power transmission in the ads the woman's power is strictly defined by her sex, never mind that she has 3 PHds and made 4.8 million dollars last year that is not the portrayal of her power. If a woman has seized a man's power and has come into a power of her own and independent then she is shunned by men and women. Hillary Clinton is an excellent example. Her personification is an open expression of Raw Female Power. She is a very powerful woman no doubt, however sexually she is bankrupt. Looking at her from an outside perception. She is no longer attractive and has become old, and psychologically in this country she doesn't appeal to the younger crowd as she isn't looked at as a nurturing figure or sexy figure in our sex sells economy. She has no sex to sell so dealing with her would mean you would have to do it on an intellectual, business equal level which only has the power as far as a females credibility and resources can take her. So unfortunately from the male side you have a lot of "that bitch" type remarks concerning her, as you would of any powerful female without any sex to sell. They are naturally seen as an adversary.

In a materialistic world everything boils down to its base elements. Sex becomes a physical act like basketball or soccer without any real weight on who the opponent is man, woman, animal, toy. Emotional bonds become windows of opportunity strung together to achieve the next rung of success. A void of spirituality leads to intense depression, loneliness and denial and a world of constant accumulation of worthless junk to deafen the sound of spiritual chaos. Hopefully in a couple of days I will write about true depth of a relationship that includes the spiritual that gets past the material and petty competitions of commerce inspired life and all of the drama that it inflicts.


  1. Interesting analogy...! No offense, but I'm amazed you could still stay focused on the subject while counting those male magazines. LOL!

  2. Good post....Im Glad I dont read cosmo!!!!

  3. Subhana Allah I believe your right on the money. My friends husband translated the tafsir to the first ayat in surah an nisa it says that because the men were created from the dunya thats what he desires and since women were created from man thats what she desires...I thought I'd add some islamic benefit to your insight although you did a wonderful job of your own.

  4. Well, I tried to comment earlier and I don't think it made it to you. So here it goes again... Readers Digest version this time.

    I used to think that women were simply parroting what is the male imposed standard of beauty ala Naomi Wolf's book The beauty Myth. If you asked women from my generation to describe Cosmo (and I'm 33) you would very likely hear something about "sexy" "powerful" "beautiful"... You get the gist.

    Now, I think that we as a society (American women) have gone even further and now we are emulating what we think are the tastes of men in some sort of deluded belief that all things "male" are powerful. So, raunchy and overtly sexual things are becoming the norm. Go onto any college campus and check out the girls wearing playboy merchandise, shirts that say "porn star" and glibly chatting it up about porn and micro-brews. It's like some cartoon version of men. So now you are seeing women's magazines catering to these playboy wearing cigar-smoking coeds... And these girls no longer think it is beautiful, they know that they are going for that take me in the backroom look. Go figure. I thought I was crazy until I read a book called Female Chauvinist Pigs which analyzed this trend in depth.

    Anywhoo, just my two piasters.

  5. I will have to read that Book. Thanks to all of the commenters.