Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Oh no seems to go ...

You don't know what you've got till it's gone ~ Joni Mitchell. So then my wife has been telling me that I'm not as good as I should be. I'm not attentive enough, I don't make her feel special, I don't drop everything and place her on a pedestal. Now I have to be very careful when I explain this ...tip tip tip... because if I sound too blase then all hell is going to break loose. Now as it so happens she was coming on the Red River during the last "Hollowpoint" episode which really ended badly. However we made up from that or so I thought so then we are on the lack of Romance kick. Now I don't know if this is spurned on by the River or is it that I am deficient in this department. Well she says that I'm not deficient because she felt all of the things that I'm deficient in when we first got married. Now from my experience with relationships you have the honeymoon phase where everyone is super attentive and then it trails off into daily normalcy. Now my wife however is demanding no trail-offs. So now I've got to turn the heat on...daily. It seems like work but my wife says that it shouldn't. Now it's not work to be crazy about my wife, which I am deeply. I love her like I have loved no other human being, it's the whole being happy part that I'm having issue with.

Now you see my happiness now that I'm forced to analyze it is very superficial. I'm not living my life I'm just letting it happen. I'm not directing my destiny I'm just kind of following course going where the wind blows happy go lucky down the lane. Now the stark reality is if you live your life like that then you are not going to be truly happy you will be superficially happy. Now superficially happy people can put up great fronts which I of course am good at. You know the whole life of the party yadda yadda lively animated person, but the hardcore mundane day-to-day part of dealing with the sheer boringness of life they are completely different people. So what I think that my wife is feeling is that reality. The reality of existence. Now many people that are stuck in the rut of existence will rarely ever move unless the are of course forced. So this is where I am now either I move or risk losing the most important facet of my life. My marriage. It is a live or die situation kind of the same situation that Queen Latifah had in The Last Holiday. So now I've got to move, I've got to do the things with my life that I've always wanted to do or lose my wife and my life because without her I would truly die, or at least I know I'd never love again.

You can't lose what you aint got , but you can miss what you have oh so badly.

While blogging my cat Rocky decided to take a power nap he is good for that.

But I digress.

So such is life getting it together finally after 37 years to live life with purpose and drive instead of existing and hoping it will all end. Undoubtedly my wife will leave me a. because she's just a bird she'll only fly away and b. life is just too short. So these are my moments of reflection get on it or lose. Scary proposition but better than existing.

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