Wanting to write again

I have been wanting to write again. I have been posting some stuff on Facebook but I have not really been posting stuff to my blog. The only people that comes to my blog anymore are bots and probably some government agents. Who knows. After what Edward Snowden laid down they probably don't have to search anymore as soon as it is uploaded to Google a copy is sent strait away to the NSA servers. Edward's greatest fear in his whole situation was that his plight would be recieved with absolute apathy.

In recent news I have been reading Malcolm X: A life of reinvention by Manning Marable and it offers some insight into the man known and loved as El Hajj Malik Shabazz. There are points with it that I'm completely bleh about. Such as the controversy over him being homosexual or not. From the rest of his life it is apparent that this is not the case, but it does build upon my hypothesis about homosexuality. I believe that there are about 1% of the population that are genuinely afflicted with homosexual tendencies. The rest of the people that fall into the den of homosexuality are creatures of circumstance.

Homosexuality is an expression of lust for one, and complete selfishness in other aspects of life. Coming from a standpoint of lust there is the case of the person with an insatiable sexual appetite and they are really not concerned with where they fulfill their desires from. Such as the odd character in the Kinsley movie who bragged about him being able to ejaculate in under 10 seconds or whatever. He is not concerned with whether he pleases himself with his hand, her mouth, his butt or having fido lick his balls clean of peanut butter. He just wants to get off and in the homosexual world of extremely easy sex he has only to say a word and it it is on. Then you have the emotional homosexual, who is trying to rebuild a lost relationship from childhood which was either strained or malnourished to the point that they hold on to paternalesque relationships in an unhealthy way. If exhibited in youth they could have been bullied into a self image that fulfilled itself at some other stage of life. Then there is the power homosexual who seeks to rule over others and from a masculine standpoint there is no greater conquest than pulling the strings of fortune to manipulate the choices of those so financially strapped that they degrade themselves into fulfilling the role as a submissive even if or especially if it is not their nature. There is no glory in the submission of one who has already submitted himself to the effeminate, however to coerce a fully straight man into a homosexual situation and demasculating him would be an ultimate triumph. Which is why in movies you have fully strong men bouncing around in drag. A studio producers power to demasculinize Wesley Snipes into a female role is an expression of power. To sodomize one of the mightiest football college teams in the nation is power. For decades even, and probably has nothing to do with "traditional" homosexuality. Take for instance a young man taunted by his class mates, called a faggot and bullied. Now he is a CEO of a major corporation and calls the shots, he would then be in a position to turn the tables. That's a situation of power and probably has little to do with homosexuality.

Their world is really riddled with psychosis and lonliness and more psychosis. Speaking in observance of the ones that I have had the opportunity to view very close up. Granted I don't know a lot of homosexuals and really don't care to, but of the observations that I have made and the articles that I have read this is their case. With the women there are more part timers than there are die hard lesbians. After the point is proven then what? From what I've seen there are a ton of Butches that are looking for something and get dumped and move on. Loneliness upon loneliness, I suppose it is a sickness within itself.

Back to Malcolm X though I can see that he struggled in his life. In his married life he knew no example of what a family should be like. What is a husband? What makes a man a man. How can you obtain intimacy with someone whom you fundamentally don't trust? His is the same situation in the struggle of being a man on a mission and being with a woman. He was growing into a better husband and would have ultimately made it, however his life was cut short. As he entered into orthodox Islam he was changing, but his life was cut too soon.

What has really inspired me about his life up to now was the transformation and reflecting on my own life. Here was a man with a ton of dirt balanced on his shoulders. How he wasn't even a respectable citizen of society, but his dedication to Allah changed and reformed him into a well disciplined man of God. Looking at myself I ask can I make such a metamorphasis? Looking at all of this time that I have been Muslim and have been silent of the things that I have learned. Shaytan comes to me daily and tells me that I have no right to speak. I don't know enough because I have squandered my time and now it is too late to speak. No one will believe you. No one will respect you and you aren't of sufficient quality to lead anyone except yourself. Even with all of this there is  call in me. A call to stand up and state that which is right. That which is true. If Malcolm can do it from such depths then why can't I do it from right here where I am. Maybe I won't become a scholar and maybe that is not my job, maybe my job is to find the next Malcolm and inspire that one to speak. However if none speaks then I must do so.

The other thing that stood out for me about Manning's version of Malcolm's life was all of the movements that he listed. All of them without any reservation were all built upon people standing up and speaking. Whether the movements where right or wrong, whether they had the correct ideology or not, they all gained support and enroads to those who were willing to stand up and make a change. In reading the Seerah of the Prophet it is evident that he was inviting to the Deen on a daily basis. Daily, not once a month on Dawah Day or once a quarter or once a year. He interacted on a daily basis. Daily.

Ok I'm done. I have my little Bluetooth keyboard but I used the wrong program to type this in. The Blogger App doesn't have an auto save function so I just lost two paragraphs. Next time I'll write it up in Kingsoft and then cut and paste.